Le Freres Assombrir
by FrasierFanatic
Summary: Frasier and Niles try to write an opera together with disastrous results...
1. Chapter 1

**LE FRERES ASSOMBRIR **

**_Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Frasier, any characters from Frasier, and am no way associated with the show. _**

**Part 1**

Dark skies enveloped Seattle, softened slightly by the many shining stars that were littered about, dotted in a careless fashion, in no particular order. This sky was the curtain to the day, often bringing relief, and restoring calmness to those who needed it.

However on this evening it was not the only curtain to go down, for the one at the Roundabout Theatre too had dropped, much to the relief of two brothers, who had definitely not enjoyed the premiere of the new opera. They filed out with the rest of the audience, however did not stay for the post-opera chitchat with fellow opera buffs. In fact they were the first out into the still night air.

The brothers made their way to their car, sinking with great relief into the seats. They both sat deep in thought, musing on the opera they had just seen. Finally, one of them broke the silence.

'That was truly dreadful,' he said, voicing the shared opinion.

'Do you think it was _half_ as bad as I do?' his brother questioned.

'Probably twice as much as you do, and then some,' he replied, looking out of the window.

'I bet we could write something better than that,' his companion replied, starting up the car.

The other turned his head and looked his brother straight in the eyes and said, 'I think you may be onto something there.'


	2. Chapter 2

**Part 2**

'And this is Doctor Frasier Crane, wishing you good mental health.' Frasier took of his headphones with a contented sigh.

'Good show Frasier,' Roz praised, entering his booth.

'Thanks Roz.' He smiled at the compliment he received so regularly, though it always sounded fresh.

'Oh, your brother called to remind you about tonight. _Twice._ He sounded like he really didn't want you to forget,' Roz explained, walking back to the producer's booth. 'What're you doing? Going out to dinner?'

'No, no, we're just starting a little project,' Frasier said mysteriously, giving nothing away.

'It wouldn't happen to be those promos we were gonna do tonight, would it?' Roz asked.

'Oh God Roz, I'm sorry. How about we meet at the café tomorrow at about 12? We could do them then,' Frasier suggested.

'Ok.'

'Listen, I've gotta go meet Niles. I'll see you tomorrow!' Frasier said to Roz, picking up his briefcase.

'By Fra…' But Roz got no further. Bulldog had just entered with his usual assortment of oddities for his show.

'Hey doc!' Bulldog greeted.

'Hey Bulldo…' Frasier began.

'Hi Roz. Listen, I've got this big interview on my show today and I could sure use a good luck kiss!' Bulldog interrupted.

'I bet you could,' Roz whispered in a husky tone, beckoning with her finger towards her.

'See doc,' Bulldog laughed, 'persistence pays off!' Frasier somehow doubted this, but didn't voice his thoughts. Roz pulled Bulldog close to her, then pushed him away, bending his arm back and pushing him against the console.

'Listen you little slime ball, if you ever try that again, I'll…' Roz breathed.

'I don't care what you'll do, just let me go already. Owww!' Bulldog pleaded. Roz first pushed him harder against the console, but eventually let him go. Frasier had watched this whole charade with an amused look on his face, but finally remembered Niles. He slipped out of the door, and left Roz and bulldog to their antics.

'Hold the elevator!' Niles called as he ran into the Elliot Bay Towers, his brother's building. He leapt into the elevator just as the doors had begun to close. Luckily the only person in it was Daphne.

'Hello Daphne,' Niles greeted.

'Oh, hello Doctor Crane,' Daphne replied, giving him her smile that he loved so much. 'What are you doing here?'

'Oh, Frasier and I have a little project we're going to begin this evening,' Niles explained as the elevator made his stomach swoop. Or maybe that was just caused by Daphne as she smiled again. 'Daphne, there's something I need to tell you,' Niles said before he could stop the words falling out of his mouth. 'I, I…' But he failed to finish, as the elevator doors opened on the 19th floor.

'Yes Doctor Crane?' Daphne prompted. Niles knew he had to tell her, now that he and Maris were no longer together.

'I… I wish you wouldn't call me Doctor Crane,' Niles said, then made a note to kick himself later. 'It's Niles.'

'Ok, I'll try.'

The pair got off the elevator together, and entered apartment 1901.

'Hey Daph, hey Niles,' Marty said to them as they came in.

'Hello Mr Crane,' Daphne said, smiling again. This made Niles realise it definitely wasn't the elevator making his stomach funny.

'Hey Dad,' Niles said, 'Eddie.' This was responded with a bark as Frasier entered from the kitchen.

'Hello Niles. Sherry?' Frasier offered.

'Please,' Niles replied, wandering over to where Frasier was standing. 'Frasier,' he said in a quiet tone, 'how are we supposed to work with Dad and Eddie here?'

'And Daphne,' Frasier pointed out. 'Don't worry, I got them Sonics tickets, and we can lock Eddie in Dad's bedroom.'

'Daphne's not really…' Niles trailed off as Frasier gave him a look that silenced him.

'Well Dad,' Frasier said casually, looking at his watch, 'don't you think you and Daphne should be going? The game starts soon,' he finished as he handed Niles his sherry.

'Alright, we'll get out of your hair,' Marty said, 'I'm not stupid you know. I _was_ a detective! But what is it you're doing?'

'Oh, noth…' Frasier said.

'We're writing an opera!' Niles interrupted.

'So much for secrecy,' Frasier said, smiling slightly, 'who else have you told, any major newspapers?'

'Well Dad and Daphne have a right to know. And they're not going to go blabbing to anyone about it, are they?' Niles defended, however giving his father a long look.

'Don't worry,' Daphne reassured, 'we won't tell anyone.' And with that she and Marty left.

'Come on,' Frasier gestured down the corridor to his and his father's bedrooms.

'Aren't we using the piano?' Niles quizzed.

'I was talking to the dog. You go and find some manuscript paper while I put Eddie in Dad's room.' Frasier suggested.

'Ok. Err…' Niles looked around, not knowing quite where he may find it.

'On second thoughts I'll get it. You go and have a fiddle on the piano.' Niles did as his big brother said, and sat down at the piano. He played a chord, then hummed it, then thought how hard it would be to write an entire opera.

'Frasier,' Niles said as his brother came and sat down next to him at the piano with a pad of manuscript paper and a pen, 'I don't think this is such a good idea.'

'Nonsense Niles,' Frasier reassured him, 'I mean how hard can it be?'


	3. Chapter 3

**Part 3**

'Deck the halls with bows of holly, fa la la la la, la la la laaaaaaa,' Marty Crane sang off-key as he sat down in his infamous chair with a beer.

'Dad, please,' Frasier said, annoyed.

'Well geez, sorry. I was just gettin' into the Christmas spirit, it _is_ Christmas Eve you know,' Marty replied.

'Sorry Dad. I guess I'm just nervous about tonight. If this opera doesn't go well, I don't know what we'll do,' Frasier said, confessing his worries.

'Don't worry Frasier,' Niles replied, 'we've been working hard at this thing for a year.'

'I don't know. Just maybe we should have rehearsed more, or, or something.'

'Oh dear, maybe you're right,' Niles panicked, 'what if we _haven__'t _rehearsed enough? What will we do?'

'Oh, come on, relax. If anyone's rehearsed enough, it's you two. You've been down at that theatre every night for the past four months,' Marty reassured.

'Hey Dad, you're right. Everything'll go fine. We'll get a good review, a…' Frasier was cut short by Marty.

'Of course there is such a thing as being too confident. I'd just concentrate on getting through tonight,' he suggested as the Frasier and Niles put their coats on over their tuxedos.

'Oh, Dad, I've left tickets for you and Daphne on the table,' Niles informed his father, 'it starts at seven.'

'You know what?' Frasier asked, 'everything will be great tonight. Just great. I mean what can possibly go wrong?'

Niles' cellphone started ringing as soon as Frasier had started up the car.

'Niles Crane,' he said. 'Who? Excuse me? Pardon? I, I…'

'Oh for God's sake, give it here,' Frasier said, taking his brother's cellphone. 'Frasier Crane.' Frasier was slightly alarmed by the rasping that met his ear, and frowned. He now understood why Niles hadn't been able to make anything out. 'Hello?' He tried again. 'Err, pardon? Oh, I see. So you won't be able to make it tonight. No, no, you rest. Yes, we'll try and make do. Yes. Bye.' Frasier gave Niles his cellphone back with a heavy heart.

'That was our Christopher. He's got laryngitis! So he obviously can't come.'

'But he's our lead singer and actor! What are we going to do?' Niles questioned frantically.

'I don't know Niles. I don't know,' Frasier replied.

'Frasier,' Niles said.

'Yes Niles?'

'You're going to have to do it. There's no other alternative.'

'Yes there is. _You _could do it. You're a great actor,' Frasier praised.

'Yes, but _you__'re _a great singer,' Niles pointed out.

'Well… are you sure?'

'Positive. It's the only thing we can do. I mean you wrote most of the songs, so no one is going to know them better than you,' Niles said in a convincing manner. 'Come on Frasier. It's either you do it, or we shut the show down until we can find someone else.'

'Oh, alright,' Frasier gave in as he pulled up outside the theatre. 'But I'm going to need a script. Just because I helped write it doesn't mean I know the whole thing.'

'Here,' Niles said, handing him a script. 'Now we've got to go in there and tell everyone about the changes. And we might have _just _enough time to go over a few of the key scenes.'

'Come on then.' They got out of the car, and headed into the theatre, but were stopped by a man standing by the box office.

'I'm sorry, but the opera doesn't start for and hour and a half yet. You're only allowed here half an hour early,' he said. Niles looked at Frasier, puzzled.

'But you don't understand. It's _our_ opera,' Frasier explained. 'I'm Doctor Frasier Crane, and this is my brother, Doctor Niles Crane.'

'Can I see your passes please?' The man asked.

'Passes? What passes? This has never come up before,' Niles said, confused.

'I'm afraid without passes, I can't let you in.'

'But we've been practicing for a year, and there has been no need for passes,' Frasier pointed out.

'Yeah, well I'm afraid opening night is different. Now I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave.'

'But…' Frasier began.

'Frasier, look at the size of him. We'll find a different way in,' Niles said quietly. 'Ok,' he said to the man, 'Sorry to waste your time.' The brothers headed towards the main door, and braved the blizzard that was raging outside.

'What do you suggest we do now?' Frasier had to shout to be heard over the wind.

'We find a back way in,' Niles replied simply. So they set off around the theatre, and found the stage door. Frasier tried to open it, but failed.

'It's frozen shut,' he told Niles grimly.

'Are you sure?' Niles questioned.

'Would you like to try for yourself?' Frasier asked.

'No, no thank you. Well, there must be a window we could get in...' Niles trailed off as Frasier shot him a look that said 'bad, _bad_ idea'.

'Well, what else do you suggest?' Niles defended in an exasperated tone. 'There's nothing else we can do.'

'Ok, ok,' Frasier gave in. He walked forward, until he came to a window. Luckily, it was open.

'I'll go first,' Frasier offered, then looked around for something to stand on. He found a box, and placed it under the window. He pulled himself up, and landed with a thud inside.

'Ok, come on Niles.' Niles stood on the box, and pulled himself up like Frasier had. But then something the pair had been dreading happened.

'Frasier,' Niles said. 'I'm stuck.'

'But, but you can't be! Here, left me help.' Frasier grabbed Niles' hands and pulled him through. Niles fell to the floor with a loud thwack.

'I hope you're happy,' Niles said, getting up and brushing himself down, 'that's a three hundred dollar Armani tux you've ruined.'

'Well you're the one that said "let's go through a window!"' Frasier pointed out.

'Well you didn't have to pull me through like that – and you could have offered me the chance to go first. I _am _your younger brother.'

'Oh Niles, fighting isn't going to get us anywhere. Need I remind you that we have an opera to put on in...' Frasier looked at his watch, 'one _hour_! And I have to suddenly take on the lead part! Come on, we've gotta find the rest of the cast and get ready!'


	4. Chapter 4

**Part 4**

'Here we are,' Daphne informed Marty as they pulled up outside the Roundabout Theatre. 'Come on then.' She helped Marty out of the car, and together they headed in out of the cold.

'Tickets please,' a man asked them.

'I knew he was going to say that,' Daphne said. 'I'm a little bit psychic you see,' she informed the man, smiling.

'Well what else was he gonna say?' Quizzed Marty, '"would you like fries with that?"'

'Well, he could have said "Can I see your tickets please?" or "Do you have your tickets?"' Daphne defended, looking to the man for support. 'Couldn't you?' The man nodded, a little unsure of where this conversation was heading.

'Never mind,' Marty said to Daphne, and to the ticket collector, 'it's the British...'

'I heard that old man,' Daphne told Marty.

'Come on,' Marty said. They went through a door, and were soon seated. The lights dimmed, and they realised they had arrived just in time. Niles walked onstage, ready to introduce the opera.

'Oh look, there he is!' Daphne said excitedly to Marty.

'But where's Frasier?' Marty replied.

'Hello, and wel...' Niles began, before tripping up and falling flat on his face. He slowly pulled himself up, now with a black eye. 'Hello, and welcome,' he tried again. 'I am Doctor Niles Crane, co-writer of this opera, _Le Freres Assombrir_. For those of you who don't speak French, this means _The Morose Brothers._ I wrote this with my brother, Doctor Frasier Crane, who is unfortunately not available to come out right now – he is talking to the cast. I shall not spoil the story, however I shall say this; it is a story of two brothers. Neither are happy. It is about them trying to find out why they are not happy. So please sit back, relax, and enjoy the show!' Everyone applauded as Niles slipped off stage through the curtain. He banged into Frasier, who was in position for the opening scene.

'What happened to you?' Frasier asked quietly.

'What do you mean?' Niles replied, confused.

'You've got a black eye.'

'Have I?' Niles questioned, unaware that the curtain was going up, for he had his back to the audience. 'I must have got it when I fell ov...' He stopped as soon as the orchestra started. Niles span round, to find that everyone was looking at him. In his rush to get off stage, he tripped again on a loose nail, and fell against part of the set. This had a domino effect; the impact rippled across the stage. Frasier and Niles watched in horror as their dream fell apart before their eyes.

The cast fled the stage, but the two brothers just looked on, transfixed. As Niles just lay on the stage, the audience started filing out angrily, as did the orchestra. A theatre critic pulled out a notebook and scribbled something down before leaving. In a matter of seconds the only people left were Frasier, Niles, Marty, Daphne, and Roz, who had surprised Frasier in turning up. He hadn't really thought opera was her thing.

'Hello all,' Frasier said weakly there came an almighty ripping noise from stage left. Niles had managed to free himself from the nail, but in the process had also accomplished ruining his Armani tuxedo even more. Frasier jumped off stage, shortly followed by Niles. They both went over to where Marty, Daphne, and now Roz were sitting.

'Roz, I didn't think opera was your thing,' Frasier confessed.

'Well, you didn't expect me to miss _this_, did you?' and she laughed. 'Sorry guys, but you've gotta admit, it was pretty funny.'

'Not when a year of your hard work had gone into this,' Niles told her.

'Sorry,' Roz apologised. 'But Frasier, your costume _is_ pretty funny.'Yeah Fras,' Marty agreed. 'But why are you wearing it anyway?'

'Oh, our lead singer and actor has laryngitis,' Frasier explained, sighing.

'Doctor Crane, you really ought to do something about that eye,' Daphne advised.

'Yes, I suppose I should,' Niles said.

'Come on then, let's all go back to my place, and have a drink,' Frasier suggested.

'Yeah, ok,' Roz said. They all headed out into the cold, and got into their various cars.

'Well, on the plus side boys,' Marty said as he got sat down in his car, 'at least this is an opera premier no one will ever forget!' Frasier smiled at his father's ability to pick out the best in a bad situation as he slid the key into his car. He started up the car, or at least tried to. The engine failed to come on. Frasier hit the steering wheel in frustration, and looked across at his brother in the passenger seat.

'Oh Niles. Can this night _get_ any worse?'

'Oh, look on the bright side of things,' Niles said optimistically, 'we can get a lift with Dad, and we'll call a mechanic in the morning. . Now let's not be le freres assombrir.'

'You're right Niles,' Frasier said, getting out of the car and locking it. They both walked over to Marty's car, and got in the back. The curtain had come down on another day.


End file.
